Today is my birthday. I’m 29. And I feel old.
Objectively speaking, 29 is not very old. I know that. But I’m a year away from 30, and that fact brings with it some sobering thoughts: what have I done with my life? What have I accomplished? What happened to all the big dreams I had when I was 22 and the world was, to put it in the most cliched of terms, my oyster?
On a personal level, I’m very fulfilled. I have a beautiful wife who I love more and more everyday and two of the most gorgeous children you’ve ever laid eyes on (ages 2.5 and 1). I am beyond blessed when it comes to my family.
But on a professional level, I feel lacking. Ever since I was 19 I’ve wanted to be a filmmaker. In the ensuing years I’ve made short films, worked on the set of a major motion picture, filmed a television series in Ecuador, become a somewhat proficient editor (which is what I currently do for a small production company in Oklahoma), and written a fairly prolific amount of film criticism. Depending on how you look at it, it’s not a bad resume. But in terms of accomplishing the dream I had when I was 19, of becoming an actual filmmaker, I’ve done depressingly little.
That’s going to change by the time I’m 30. This blog will chronicle my attempt, over the next year, to get an honest-to-goodness feature film off the ground. In the past I’ve engaged in a pathetic amount of procrastination as well as an unhealthy bit of fear-of-failure. Well, if I fail this time, it will be in front of my friends, family, and all you nice people from the internets who happen to stumble over here.
A few minutes ago, as I was writing my post, I told my wife that this was really scary. “Why?” she asked. “Because I might fail,” I responded.
“Well, don’t fail then.”
04/06/2009 at 6:15 am Permalink
First off, thanks for the props on your blogroll. It makes me feel special. Secondly, mad-crazy props for being willing to “expose” yourself to the world with your attempt. Things like this are far easier done in the quiet corners of your mind where if you fail you’re the only one who knows about it.
Failure is scary and, as I’ve learned recently, quite depressing : ) But there are worse things - like never trying. Let me know if there’s anything I can help with.
29/09/2009 at 11:34 am Permalink
Good luck! Holly and I will be cheering you on, and very interested to hear how this all unfolds. Also, I am going to hold you to that “more blogging” thing!